


One Fine Day

by FionaLaFleur



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Implied/Referenced Death in Childbirth, Infant Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:47:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28990227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FionaLaFleur/pseuds/FionaLaFleur
Summary: An emotionally distraught Bashir takes a roundabout from DS-9. On the way to Cardassia Prime, he records a message, full of sadness and regret.
Relationships: Julian Bashir/Elim Garak
Comments: 10
Kudos: 24
Collections: Sid City Social Club Script Collection





	One Fine Day

** FADE IN: **

**INT. RUNABOUT CABIN**

**_Dr. Julian Bashir, now a Commander and still stationed on Deep Space 9 after 20 years, paces in the cabin of a runabout he borrowed (without permission), running his hand through his hair, his beard, clearly emotionally distraught._ **

**BASHIR**

Computer?

**COMPUTER chirps.**

**BASHIR**

Begin recording message, audio only.

**COMPUTER**

Please state recipient.

_**BASHIR stills, his hand coming to rest in his hair. He looks down, in deep thought, then looks back up.** _

**BASHIR**

Ambassador Garak, Paldar Sector, Cardassia City, Cardassia Prime.

**COMPUTER**

Proceed.

**BASHIR**

Elim, it’s... me, Julian.

I know it must be strange hearing from me after over a year. I’m sorry I haven’t contacted you sooner. Quite frankly it’s strange to be...

**_BASHIR trails off, once again pensive, but eventually looks up at the screen and continues._ **

**BASHIR**

I’ve done a thing, Garak.

_**BASHIR sits down heavily in the chair.** _

**BASHIR**

I left Starfleet. Resigned my commission about, oh...

**_BASHIR squints at the screen._ **

**BASHIR**

...five hours ago now.

**_BASHIR laughs bitterly._ **

**BASHIR**

I am just so… confused, and, and, and I need you old friend.

God I don’t even know where to start. I know what you would say: “start at the beginning.”

Well, I suppose it’s just as good a place as any.

**_BASHIR_ _takes a deep breath, steeling himself._**

**BASHIR**

I knew I loved you when...

**_BASHIR stops, closing his eyes with a sigh, resting his forehead on his thumbs. Moving back, he begins again._ **

**BASHIR**

I knew I loved you when you were detoxing from your implant.

I knew, because the things you said to me... that a life spent keeping company with me was not a lift worth living... It _broke my heart_.

**_BASHIR bites his lip, a tear escaping down his cheek._ **

**BASHIR**

[ _Haltingly, with a shaky voice_ ] I knew because, when you told me you hated DS-9 because you were always cold, I wanted right then to wrap a blanket around you and hold you in my arms and lend you my warmth, that day and every day after. Whenever I saw you.

I knew, because when I went to see Tain, I would have done anything to get him to help.

[ _with ferocity through clenched teeth_ ] I would have done anything to save you, Elim. _Anything_.

I don’t know why I never said anything. That’s not true. I do.

I never let myself be _free_. I was so obsessed with being a phenotypically normal adult human male. I tried to blend into the wall, even after my secret came out... actually, _especially_ after my secret came out. I hated the attention, and the whispers, and the... well, it doesn’t matter now.

What matters is I loved you. But, I loved you, and I loved Jadzia.

And then she _died_ , Garak.

_[crying]_ She died _on my table_. I couldn’t save her, I couldn’t…

**_BASHIR sobs in earnest. Eventually catching his breath and continuing._ **

**BASHIR**

How can you love two people at once? How is that fair? And then she died, and I only loved you.

**_BASHIR pauses briefly to regain his composure._ **

**BASHIR**

And then Ezri came along.

Do you know what Ezri said to me? She said, that if Worf hadn’t come along, Jadzia would have been with me.

What kind of a messed up thing is that to say to someone?

But I loved Ezri, and I loved Jadzia, and I loved you.

[ _thoughtfully]_ I had a daughter, Elim. I named her Mila. I suppose in a way it made me feel close to you.

**_BASHIR laughs_ **

**BASHIR**

Well, you probably know all of this, if you’ve been checking up on me.

_**BASHIR smiles at the thought, but his smile soon fades.** _

**BASHIR**

And then... just after I last spoke to you... Ezri died in childbirth, and Mila a few days later.

They died _on my table_ and I could do _nothing_ for them.

[ _with escalating anger_ ] Goddammit! What good are all of these enhancements and all of this education, these accolades, these rewards, these _PIPS…_

**_BASHIR rips the three pips off his collar and throws them off-screen._ **

**BASHIR**

...if I keep letting down the ones I love most?

[ _babbling slightly_ ] I’ve been mourning them for the last year and today I just realized… you are the only love I have left. And I can’t stop thinking why didn’t I pursue you when we were both on the station? When it was clear to me Jadzia would never want me. And why didn’t you pursue me? I know you were interested.

[ _seemingly trying to convince himself_ ] I’m not imagining it.

I know I meant more to you than... I realized... more than I wanted to admit. And you meant that to me, and more.

[ _pauses, looks directly at the screen_ ] I love you, Garak. I’m in love with you. I always have been, and I always will be. Right now that’s the only thing I know for sure. I want to see your smile and touch your face and I never want to leave you again.

Please... please... I want to be free. I want to be myself, for the first time in my life. I miss you, so, so…

**_BASHIR shakes his head, smiling._ **

**BASHIR**

God, I’m pathetic.

[ _with feigned bitterness_ ] Why would you ever want a squishy, weepy, broken _Terran_?

**_BASHIR pauses, looking around as if contemplating._ **

**BASHIR**

Computer, delete message. Confirm.

**COMPUTER**

Message deleted.

**_BASHIR lets out a breath, shaking his head again._ **

**BASHIR**

No, you probably wouldn’t...

**_BASHIR looks around contemplatively again._ **

**BASHIR**

...but you might still want me.

[ _with new-found energy_ ] Computer, pull up all material on Cardassian courting rituals, Federation and Cardassian archives.

**COMPUTER**

Working... 2,453 records found.

**_BASHIR smirks and looks directly at the screen._ **

**BASHIR**

On screen.


End file.
